April Fool's
by King Zoe
Summary: (I think there may be language and adultish situations in this...) Ahem... IN WHICH: The DK is turned upside down, and everyone knows who did it!!


Author's Note: Okay, this was written many years ago, when my dear friend Arnica and I were new to the wonderful world of Sailor Moon. Yes, even then, we loved the DK. It was a cooperative effort, and you can view more of Arnica's stuff at her account on FF.net. We worked very hard on it, and would appreciate as little ridicule as you all can manage. We were young, and while I tried to edit, I may not have done a very good job... 

Disclaimer: I own, Zoë, and Arnica owns Arnica. The other characters belong to their respective corporate sponsors. You all know that we will make no money on this, I mean, how could we? Please don't sue us... 

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April Fool's 

Queen Beryl yawned and reached into her closet for her favorite purple dress. God, she loved the clean feeling she got after that second shower in the morning... So what if it was anal. It felt good. She began zipping herself into the pseudo-vinyl dress, and stopped short. `No,' she thought. `This can't be.' She pulled at the zipper again. Wedged. "No!!" She shrieked, and ran into the bathroom, jumping onto the scale. "300?!? No!!!!! This can't be right!! Frantic, she tore through her planner to figure out whom to punish for improperly dry-cleaning her dresses. 

There. There it was. Right above the neatly printed lettering of "Punish Generals for General Misdeeds." The date. April Fucking Fool's day. "Who would dare prank me?" She questioned herself out loud. "Who would have the balls..." The thought struck her, and she screamed out the name so loud that the entire Dark Kingdom shuddered with her wrath. 

"ZOISITE!!" 

Nephrite woke slowly, and reached for the glass he kept full on his bedside table. Sighing, he took a large swallow, and gagged, spitting out the rest on the floor and hurling the glass against the wall. 

"Ugh... Lemonade?" he asked incredulously. Quickly, he reached for the bottle of tequila under his bed, and swallowed Gatorade. "Damn it!" In a mad dash fueled by alcohol withdrawal, he ran to his refrigerator, and opened it, grabbing for his least favorite beverage: beer. Popping the can, he took a large gulp, only to spit it out and throw the can across his kitchen. It was not beer. It was "unbeer." In a last desperate attempt, he ran to his bathroom, and grabbed the emergency bottle of cough syrup from the cabinet: empty. 

His eyes rolled desperately around the apartments, searching for anything with some sort of alcohol content, anything. He ran to his desk, throwing papers around the room in his mad hunt. His eyes stopped on the calendar, the calendar he'd thoughtfully remembered to turn the night before, when he was still sober. April the first. April Fool's day. 

"No... Who... Sadistic... Bastard... Kill... ZOISITE!!" 

Jadeite smiled and leaned back at his desk, opening his little black book. He checked his watch. Hmm... He thought, picking up the phone. Time to call Lylth. 

"Jadeite?" a female voice asked hopefully from the other end of the line. 

"Hey, lover," he crooned. "How was your night?" 

"Lonely," she purred. "Yours?" 

`Anything but,' he thought. "Spent missing you. So, Lyl, about to-" 

"WHO?!" the outraged voice exclaimed. 

"I mean, Tanya..." An indignant screech let him know he was wrong again. "Crystal?" 

"I think you need to hang up and get your multiple women straight. And when you do... DON'T CALL ME!!" She hung the phone up with a crash, leaving Jadeite baffled. `How...? I've never... Maybe a little slip of the tongue in the sack, but... Never!" He looked again at his book, and squinted. `This isn't right... I know this number...' Now that he looked, the handwriting did look a little off, smaller, scrunched up, more like... 

"ZOISITE!!!" 

Kunzite came in from a long night patrol on earth, and crossed the room to his bed, stripping off his uniform and boots. Zoisite was already in bed, looking rather cute with the blankets tucked up around his chin. Kunzite smiled at the thought of joining his lover in sleep, and crawled into bed beside him. Sighing, he pulled up the sheets, and stopped short as they only came halfway up his chest. Frowning, he pulled harder, but still nothing. With a grunt, he gave a mighty tug, and... Rippp! His sheets were in his hands. His gaze slid over to Zoisite, who sighed, and smiled in his sleep. Kunzite shot the sleeping form a disapproving glance. 

"Zoisite." 

"What?" Zoisite looked confusedly around the throne room at the angry, very angry, disapproving, and twitching glares of the other occupants of the room. "What did I do?" He was immediately bombarded by accusations. 

"You poured out all my liquor! I'm so sober, I've got an eye tick!" Nephrite yelled, pointing at his frantically twitching left eye. 

"You messed with my little black book!" Jadeite hollared angrily. "I just lost my date tonight!" 

"You shrunk my dresses and messed with my scale!" Beryl shrieked bitchily, pulling the black kimono even closer around her. 

Zoisite turned to Kunzite, eyes wide. The older man looked down at him sternly. 

"You short sheeted me," he accused. 

"I didn't do it!" Zoisite exclaimed angrily, looking somewhat less that fierce in dark blue footie pajamas. Kunzite was the first to notice. 

`Where did you get..." He had to stop to keep from bursting out into laughter. "Footie pajamas?" Zoisite looked down and screamed. The angry mob had teleported him directly to the throne room, and he hadn't had time to think that he might be wearing a bit more than his usual nothing. 

Suddenly, laughter pealed through the throne room, causing the assembled company to look up in alarm. Two girls floated in the air, side by side, smiling wickedly down at the queen and her kings. The shorter one wore her copper blonde hair long, pulled back in a low ponytail, and was clad in a very teenage fashion, with a thick wool sweater and jeans. The other, taller one, kept her black hair long, to her ankles and wore black leather from head to foot. 

"Who the hell are you?" Zoisite yelled up to them, momentarily forgetting the footie pajamas. 

"I'm Arnica, and this is Zoë," the leather clad girl began. "And we just wanted to say..." 

"APRIL FOOL'S!!" They screamed, blasting a mixture of white cherry blossoms and black rose petals into Beryl's and the kings' faces. The five shielded their faces, and when they turned back, the two were gone. A note on the floor was all that remained of them. Beryl picked it up, and read it to the others. 

April Fool's, boys n' bitch!! Like our tricks? No worries, you haven't seen the last of us. Laterz! 

Love, 

Arnica and Zoë 

Zoisite looked at the others for a moment, baffled, then shrugged. "Told you I didn't do it," he said smugly. 

Zoë sprawled out on her bed. "Nice trick, Arnica," she murmured sleepily as her friend erased the dimensional warp she'd drawn on the floor. 

"I know." Arnica grinned viciously. "And wait till they try to use the bathroom!!" 

Finis 


End file.
